4h Day (The boy that cried wolf)

We argued again... Just when I thought things are taking a turn for the better, it actually goes the opposite side...

No words can describe my feelings these few days... sad? yes. Painful? yes. Feeling useless? yes. Feeling hopeless? yes. Confused? NO. A firm NO. My feelings for her is always true, no matter what happens. From day one until now, I know she is the one.

Reading someone's blog is like taking a trip into an individual's soul, or so I was told. Now I comprehend. If she can just peek into my soul and see for herself how important she is to me, then probably she would have forgiven me. If and only if, right?

Ever heard of a boy who cried wolf?
A shepherd, boy to be exact, who watched a flock of sheep near a village, brought out the villagers three or four times by crying out "Wolf! Wolf". And when his neighbours trusted him and came to help him, was laughed by him.
Well, of course, the wolf did truly come at last. The shepherd, shouted, wailed, pleaded but to no avail. No one paid any heed to his cries nor came to his assistance. The wolf destroyed the whole flock.
When someone who is a liar who speaks the truth at last, but alas, no one actually believes him anymore.
So to anyone of you reading this, do keep in mind the story is true and tested over time. If I can turn back time... If and only if, right?

3 days of calamity is actually a harbinger of things to come... 3 days of improving relationship, or at least I thought it was, was actually the lull before the storm. Let's hope there will not be any tsunami aftermath. Let's hope that my philosophy: The night is darkest before dawn holds true. Let's keep my fingers crossed. I leave my fate in the hands of God. Let's hope and pray. Amen.

The 1st Day (If and Only If)

When I first set-up this blog, I am having a perfect relationship with my future wife, that is why I choose the name as "Life's good". Well, few years down the road, things do change.

Today, 9th May 2012 is the saddest day in my whole life... The person whom I badly wanted to marry and spend the rest of my whole life with, had proposed to me.... except that she did not propose to marry me... She proposed to break-off with me. 9 in Chinese means longevity, but unfortunately, the number does not mean so to me...

I know I have done many wrongs in my life, and she supported me through thick and thin. She has been with me through my darkest hours in my life, but when she is having her darkest hours in her life, all I could do is to sit here, rant, sad, rant, sad and totally doing nothing more.... what a jerk I am!

I would not dare to ask her for forgiveness, let alone ask her to reconcile with me. The mistake that I did was far more serious than anyone can imagine. I can only sit here, reflect back on what I did, and how much and how deeply I hurt her.... I know no words can describe her sadness, no words can describe how painful she is, no words can describe how crushed her heart is....

It is not enough that I love her. It is not enough that I call and sms her every now and then. It is not enough to care her and hold her hands. There is one single, most important thing that I need to do to be the complete other half. And that would be to be loyal to her.

She told me she regretted spending 3 years with me, and I would confidently tell her, no I don't regret at all to be with her, not even 1 second.
If and only if I could turn back time, I would tell her I love her.
If and only if I could turn back time, I would hold her hands, hug her and tell her everything's all right.
If and only if I could turn back time, I would tell her I have no regrets to have her in my life.
If and only if I could turn back time, I would have realised my mistake and would not do anything to hurt her.

If and only if.......